I got married to the love of my life. We had this gorgeous fairytale wedding and to top that we had a beautiful healthy baby boy and a dog… and they lived happily ever after… SIKE!
As much as I wish I could tell you that we had our “ups and downs” but we persevered and managed to be happy and healthy, I have to be honest. Not only to you, my readers, but also to myself.
In the beginning we were happy and in love. We did everything together and I thought it would last forever. Even my dear father approved of my choice and soon (3 years later) he proposed. As you may know, I’m of Surinam-Indian descent so when we marry… WE MARRY! It’s somethimes a 7-day affair. My wedding was 4 days in total. I was on a high! Although I struggled with some doubt at that time about marrying him. Life couldn’t get better. We had a lot of traditions to get through but in the end we were married!
I always knew I wanted a child. It took a while to get pregnant. So when I discovered I was pregnant I was over the moon. During and after my pregnancy I was battling depression. Past issues I never dealt with came rising to the surface and I had to deal with them or else… So this baby couldn’t have come at a better time. My husband had a very demanding job and I had to do everything by myself during my pregnancy. But I didn’t mind at that point. I knew what the end goal was and thought everything would be different once our baby boy was born.
I delivered our baby prematurely, at week 35. He was so little and frail and due to the fact that he was born to early he had all kinds of complications. He couldn’t eat or sleep and it took its toll. My boy struggled with health issues for about 1,5 years. I lived from hospital visit to hospital visit! During this time I felt alone. I did everything by myself. I was miserable but strong for my baby boy!
In the end my marriage failed but my boy didn’t! He is a healthy 2 year old now. But this means I have to start over. I have to build a new life for the 2 of us. But how? Who will help me? Who understands?
New beginnings also means a new carreer! I worked for the government as a legal advisor for years. I became more and more miserable and unhappy. You can say I also had some serious relationship issues with my job. We tried so many things. We went to counceling. We had daily conversations but it wasn’t enough… I grew out of my job and I had to accept it. The love was gone… both at home as in the workplace.
I read a quote somewhere and it really spoke to me. It says:
“A strong person is not the one who doesn’t cry. It’s the one who cries and sheds tears for a moment, then gets up and fights again!”
This hit home! Right now I’m far from healed. I haven’t even risen from the ashes yet. But what I know is that I will survive! I’m building a new life with my baby boy, who actually IS the love of my life. This is where my “new beginning” will start…